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Public Group active 4 years, 9 months ago ago

A group for survivors. Tell your stories and discuss your plans.

A little too much help? (3 posts)

  • Profile picture of rick rick said 6 years ago:

    It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    We have all been in a position to offer a little help every now and then. And like most, I feel more comfortable giving than receiving help…even when I really need it. I often times remind patients who are now in need of help, to remember the joys that they experience while helping others. And to simply allow someone else the joy of helping you.

    But did you ever feel the help was too much? People did too much for you? Did you ever feel that you were being protected from living your own life? If so, how did you handle it? How did you let those around you know that you were capable of some of those things that you weren’t being allowed to do?

  • Profile picture of Rena Bird Rena Bird said 6 years ago:

    I feel like I’m in a place of learning just how much cancer has changed my life. The things I desperately want to do, I cannot do. It’s always been my way to do for myself and learning to be gracious about help is a deep lesson. It’s hard to gauge how much help is too much. I’m doing my best to stop resisting help and let my loved ones and friends have the “gift” of helping me.

  • Profile picture of Lyn Smith Lyn Smith said 6 years ago:

    Like you Rick I too am much more comfortable on the giving rather than the receiving end. I found it really difficult and at times annoying and frustrating when I was having treatment that every time I went to do something, someone would step in and say “Its okay, I’ll take care of that for you”. While I was not especially comfortable during my surgery/radiotherapy, I was not that unwell and I really needed to be able to do things. It seemed like I had lost so much with the diagnosis already and I desparately wanted to reclaim some sort of control of my life. I ended up asking everyone to please understand this and to let me do what I was capable and able to do, and I would let them know what I needed help with. I think this took a lot of pressure of us all. It is hard when so many family and friends want to, and need to be doing something to support you, but you really need to communicate your feelings and trust others to respect that. It is vitally important to accept that others may not do things exactly the same way that you do, but if you are not able to, isnt it better to let that go, just accept the help offered, and channel your energy into getting well.