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  • Profile picture of shlampe


Public Group active 6 years ago ago

This group is for caregivers

Love is in the air. (6 posts)

  • Profile picture of rick rick said 6 years, 1 month ago:

    All love shifts and changes. I don’t know if you can be wholeheartedly in love all the time.
    Julie Andrews

    A cancer diagnosis really changes the way we look at the world around us, especially our relationships. I’ve seen both apparently healthy and unhealthy relationships either improved or dissolved. They don’t seem to stay the same. Please share with us how your relationships have change. In honor of Valentine’s day, special shout outs to your Valentine’s are encouraged!

  • Profile picture of rick rick said 6 years, 1 month ago:

    That quote cracked me up. It’s hard to imagine Julie Andrews being fickle.

    But in context of a cancer diagnosis, I’ve really seen folks’ relationships change, either to grow together more strongly from a shared cancer experience or dissolve a relationship that hadn’t been healthy for a while.

    One of my favorite grow together story is one of a young lady, Shannon, who I treated for an ovarian cancer at the ripe old age of 17. She spent a pretty rough year in treatment that left her pretty beaten up. I recently heard that she married her then boyfriend and have been together for the past 10 years. Who says romance isn’t dead. On the other hand I recently heard of a 70 something who sent her husband packing after decades of an unhealthy marriage and is looking to get her life back together. This scenario is more common in the 40 and 50 yo crowd.

    As for me with my wife’s cancer diagnosis, we were forced to slow down and really take a good look at things. We really needed that at the time to address some really changes that had developed in our relationship. And we are better for it. But as Julie Andrews says “love changes and shifts”. I think the further we get away from her diagnosis the more we begin, again, to take life and love for granted. I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same.

  • Profile picture of Mary Hayes-Sharp Mary Hayes-Sharp said 6 years, 1 month ago:

    The relationship I have with my husband became even stronger over that year of fighting cancer. His faith in my ability to overcome this disease convinced me that I could. His unwavering faith sustained me. This fight wasn’t pretty and there was nothing that caused him to turn away. Now almost four years out, I still am grateful each day for what he did for me and with me so that I could work my way back into living again. I will never, ever take him for granted.

  • Profile picture of darrell darrell said 6 years, 1 month ago:

    I think learning one has cancer affects different people in different ways. In my 14-year battle with cancer, having two surgeries a year to keep the tumors at bay, I have had the opportunity to talk with many “new” cancer patients and spouses. Although I found myself divorced as a result of the stress and trauma, many seem to hold onto each other even stronger while enduring the battle. A friend in Tulsa said her husband was “Tired” of being married to someone who was sick all the time and he wanted to return to weekend parties with friends and his former social life, and was leaving her. I often think it is the spouse or caregiver who wants their old lifestyle back, rather than the cancer patient/survivor.

  • Profile picture of Lyn Smith Lyn Smith said 6 years ago:

    Having been involved with a support group for 10 years I have seen and heard both sides of the coin. For me personally, my marriage ended, according to my ex, because “cancer changed you”. Maybe it did [for the better] but it certainly wasnt the reason for the demise of our 32year marriage.
    I have seen some people walk away when a loved one is diagnosed because they openly admit that they cannot handle the thought of losing them or of looking after someone who is sick all the time. In other cases unions have been strengthened by the united battle against this disease.
    If there are cracks in the structure of a marriage already, a cancer diagnosis is certainly not going to automatically repair those cracks, but it seems an easy cop out for some to use the diagnosis as the reason.
    Darrells comment about the carer or spouse wanting their old lifestyle back is very true, and most of us survivors know that once treatment ends, everyone expects us to go back to normal. We dont, we find a new normal. Lance Armstrong said “once you have cancer, it never leaves you.” I agree, but it doesnt have to control you.
    Love is whatever we want it to be, and I believe it does shift and change as we grow and face the challenges of life.

  • Profile picture of rick rick said 6 years ago:

    Thanks to you all for sharing these very intimate details of your survivorship. Finding the vulnerability and honesty to divulge these details of survivorship is rare. But the effect should be worth it. It is so helpful to others to allow them to see behind the veil of your survivorship so that they may see the full range options available and helping to identify what the new normal can look like. Once again, thank you all.